Navigating Divorce as a Stay-at-Home Parent: Alimony, Affordability and Legal Options

Divorce is a scary and daunting proposition for anyone, but for stay-at-home parents, this process can be even scarier due to financial uncertainty.

Can a Stay-at-Home Parent Afford to Get Divorced?

The quick answer is, yes. Stay-at-home parents are able to get divorced just like everyone else. However, it may take a bit more planning and strategic thinking. Stay-at-home parents need to understand their financial situation, including what assets/debts exist, and whether they have access to funds to secure legal representation. If there is access to funds, whether that be a checking account, savings account, or credit card, a stay-at-home parent can utilize those funds to afford legal representation. In the event a stay-at-home parent does not have access to funds to secure legal representation, there are other options available.

Payment Options for Stay-at-Home Parents

If there are no assets a stay-at-home parent can access, they can do one of the following:

• Borrow funds from a friend or family member.
• Legal fee financing or attorney retainer loans. 
• Ask attorneys if they are willing to accept a small retainer up front and bill slowly over time (i.e., a payment plan).
• Ask if the attorney is willing to accept your case on a contingent basis. However, please note that this option is only available for equitable distribution cases. Contingency cases for any other domestic issue are not allowed and are against public policy.
• Seek assistance through local legal aid or law school clinics.
• Contact the North Carolina State Bar to inquire about pro bono attorney directories.
• Self-representation.

How does spousal support work for stay-at-home parents?

In North Carolina, there are two types of spousal support, post-separation support and alimony. Post-separation support is a more temporary form of financial support intended to cover a financially dependent spouse’s immediate living expenses. Post-separation support is available if there is one spouse who is dependent on the other spouse to meet their basic living expenses, if the other spouse is a supporting spouse, and can pay post-separation support. Generally speaking, a supporting spouse is determined by looking at the disparity in the parties’ incomes. Post-separation support is available quicker and with fewer requirements than requesting alimony. Alimony is a longer-term support. While alimony uses the same dependent spouse/supporting spouse analysis, there is more of a deep dive into the length of the marriage, the standard of living during the marriage, and whether there has been marital misconduct (e.g., adultery).

Factors that determine alimony and duration

The court exercises discretion when determining the amount of alimony and duration.  Factors that the court can consider are enumerated in N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-16.3A.

(1)The marital misconduct of either of the spouses. Nothing herein shall prevent a court from considering incidents of post date‑of‑separation marital misconduct as corroborating evidence supporting other evidence that marital misconduct occurred during the marriage and prior to date of separation;

(2) The relative earnings and earning capacities of the spouses;

(3) The ages and the physical, mental, and emotional conditions of the spouses;

(4) The amount and sources of earned and unearned income of both spouses, including, but not limited to, earnings, dividends, and benefits such as medical, retirement, insurance, social security, or others;

(5) The duration of the marriage;

(6) The contribution by one spouse to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse;

(7) The extent to which the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by reason of serving as the custodian of a minor child;

(8) The standard of living of the spouses established during the marriage;

(9) The relative education of the spouses and the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the spouse seeking alimony to find employment to meet his or her reasonable economic needs;

(10) The relative assets and liabilities of the spouses and the relative debt service requirements of the spouses, including legal obligations of support;

(11) The property brought to the marriage by either spouse;

(12) The contribution of a spouse as homemaker;

 (13) The relative needs of the spouses;

(14) The federal, State, and local tax ramifications of the alimony award; G.S. 50-16.3A Page 2;

(15) Any other factor relating to the economic circumstances of the parties that the court finds to be just and proper.

(16) The fact that income received by either party was previously considered by the court in determining the value of a marital or divisible asset in an equitable distribution of the parties’ marital or divisible property

How Much Alimony Can Stay-at-Home Parents Expect?

There is no universal formula for alimony in the United States. Some states have established formulas for alimony, but North Carolina is not one of them. In North Carolina, alimony is based on the incomes and expenses of the parties; what are the dependent spouse’s needs, and what is the supporting spouse’s ability to pay. Courts in North Carolina also look at the standard of living during marriage and whether there has been marital fault. The most important thing for stay-at-home parents to do is have a clear understanding of their monthly expenses (i.e., what it takes to run their household), knowledge of their spouse’s income, and a realistic timeframe by which it will take for the stay-at-home parent to get back on their feet. Obviously, the amount of alimony and the duration of alimony varies from case to case.  Alimony is in the discretion of the presiding judge.

Other financial considerations

1. Equitable Distribution. This is the law of asset/debt division in North Carolina. The presumption in North Carolina is that anything earned or acquired from the date of marriage to the date of separation, regardless of title, is considered marital property, and the presumption is that marital property should be divided 50/50. Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule, which is why it is important to consult with an attorney about any specific concerns.

• Child support. If there are minor children, child support is a consideration. Unlike alimony, child support in North Carolina is governed by the North Carolina Child Support Guidelines. These guidelines provide a formula to calculate support based on the gross incomes of the parties and the custodial schedule. Please note that if the total gross incomes of the parties are in excess of $480,000 annually, then the child support guidelines do not apply, and a court will look to the actual needs/expenses of the children.

• Health insurance.  Stay-at-home parents should consider health insurance coverage. In North Carolina, a stay-at-home parent cannot remain on their spouse’s health insurance coverage after an absolute divorce is entered. When a stay-at-home parent calculates their monthly expenses, it is essential to include the cost of health insurance.

• Gaining financial independence.  It can feel scary for a stay-at-home parent to gain financial independence, especially if you’ve been out of the workforce for a while and have relied on your spouse for support. This fear is totally valid, but one that can be overcome. Taking small steps to understand finances, figuring out how to re-enter the workforce, all take time. Stay-at-home parents need to give themselves grace and know that they can do this; they have already managed a household, children, etc., and they can do hard things.

Legal Options Available

There are many legal options available for stay-at-home parents, including filing a lawsuit seeking temporary support or attempting to resolve their case amicably through direct negotiation with their spouse or mediation with a third-party mediator. It is essential to consult with an experienced family law attorney to determine your options and ensure your rights are protected.